Merry Christmas

So it's Christmas. The sermon this morning was good and so were the carols. Despite the late nights and excessive drinking, I think I did quite well at the choir.

Ahhhhh...Christmas once more. Christmas meant more to me when I was a kid. I believed that God was personally involved in everyone's lives. I believed that He was always watching, always waiting, and the minute I did anything good or bad I'd be rewarded or punished accordingly. I believed that there was a special place in Hell for people who didn't believe in His truth, so I believed, and I was very righteous about the whole thing. It was easier then.

This was obviously back in the days before I was introduced to the idea of free will, before I went to college and studied history, philosophy and law. This was also obviously before I realised that sometimes things are written between the lines, before I got lost and confused, before I was betrayed about eight and a half times too many, before I learnt to let go of things that were fucking me in my head and before I learnt to tell people to fuck off, if need be.

When I came home after college, I was a very angry and confused young man. I hated being home, I hated the fact that my mother poked her nose into things I considered private, I hated being in a conservative neighbourhood. I hated the call to church every Sunday morning because it made me feel as though my religion was a burden. I hated feeling like I had been caught and trapped and I wanted so badly to be back in college, having the freedom to do what I want, how I want it to be and when I want it.

It took a while for me to calm down. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God. I still consider myself a Christian. As hard as it may be to believe, I do find solace and comfort from being a member of the Christian faith.

I don't pray everyday, the way I should, but I do pray when I remember to. It's not much, it's just to say that I'm grateful for what I have and that I'm sorry for some of the things I've done (or not done, as it were). I believe He listens, not just to me, not just to Christians, but to everyone. And that makes me feel better. Oh, to those who intends to question my faith, mine is simply rooted in my belief that if believing in the truth of the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus is wrong I most certainly don't want to be right.

Merry Christmas.

PS: In case any of you had a certain specific question in your mind - No, I am drinking the Big Cat as I type this.

Brathas

The drinking for the past few nights have been quite heavy. Thanks to the annual pilgrimage of buddies from far and wide who are back for the holidays.

I'm all geared up to meet and play.

It's the time of the year when ol skool brathas converge and tell stories of conquest and battles in the fields. It's the time of the year when brathas join ranks with the rest and get foolishly drunk.

It's always good to have the brathas back.

I noticed that for every year we get together around this time, there is some change in most of us. Two good buddies had finally decided to settle down while the rest are happily maintaining the status quo of being single. One of the bratha is divorced while yet another found Jesus. One decided to nip his willy's fore skin a few months ago and said it helped.

How that helped, I didn't ask.

But one thing we all agreed on is that age has changed us all. It had changed our perspective as far as our views about life was concerned. Gone are the days when we drink and play and tell the world to fuck all. We're more careful now.

Not so much has changed in the drinking department though and we're still going on strong there but we don't abuse it as we used to. We just enjoy it these days. The herb is still an integral part of our play time but only taken in moderation and celebration of God's wonderful creation.

And when the brathas meet yet again later tonight, the beer shall flow forth like springs from the sea and we shall tread in the recesses of the deep.

Whatever that means.

Black Juice

I did this last night. Something I have never attempted before. I don't do the harp but last night I had 5 pints of Guinness Draught, 2 small bottles of the same and a mug of the Big Cat to wash it all off. Bottled Guinness, in my opinion does not taste as good. My black juice has to come from the tap. While the waiting can sometime be annoying when one waits for the juice to settle as it is poured from the tap, it is all worth it. I was told that it takes 119.5 seconds to pour the perfect pint.

I found out later that the buzz it gave me was errrrm...most deliciously pleasing. Almost serene, I must add. My drinking partner who downed the same amount and who is also himself a Big Cat lover agreed. He said it was akin to after a third hit on the herbal smoking apparatus.

I slept very well.

I woke up this morning expecting to have that familiar ringing in the head always associated to hangovers but surprisingly, that didn't manifest. I sat on my bed and waited for it to hit me but none came. No problems in the bowels either. I was all good.

Yup, good things really does come to those who wait.

The Good and The Bad

Remember when we were just kids and so full of idealism? We thought we were the good guys, holding the fort against the so-called bad guys. Be cowboy's and not injun's. We wanted to be heroes, steadfast and true.

We grow up and along the way we find that many truths are actually half-truths or worse, pure lies. The good guys don't always win. Hard work guarantees nothing. Being a good person doesn't exempt you from being screwed and getting fucked, it in fact make it easier for people to use and discard you. Things don't work the way your parents and the wise ones tell you.

We become jaded and cynical. Some of us give in to sorrow, hate, anger and pain. Slowly, the dark side beckons.

It's deceptively easy to fall. And worse, when it happens you don't realize it before it's too late.

There are days when I think that I am not as good as I think I am, that contrary to what I imagine, I'm not that good a person. I might just be a bit of a player and I personally find that disturbing.

Life is hard and really effective at squeezing the good out of people isn't it?

12 Days of Christmas

I was reading this supa cool magazine, again courtesy of my sis, when I came across a whole page devoted to suggestions of a different approach to Christmas gift giving and stuff. So basically since Christmas is coming, lets give them kids and little cousins something different from a collection of this treasure trove of classic non-denominational children's literature, it suggested. There's so many but I picked this two.

You'll get classic hits such as Ebonic nursery rhymes :-

Little Miss Strumpet, sat on mah muppet

The ho said, "I want to play."

So I got mah tractor, and put it inside her

And blew her dirty mind away

And some mad pimpin' Christmas songs:

On the first day of Christmas

My skank-ho sent to me:

A dildo with batteries

On the second day of Christmas
My skank-ho sent to me:

Two go-go girls
and a dildo with batteries

On the third day of Christmas
My skank-ho sent to me:

Three gay friends

Two go-go girls and a dildo with batteries. . .

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My skank-ho sent to me:

Twelve cocks a-cumming

Eleven bitches bitching

Ten furry handcuffs

Nine hookers flashing

Eight maid's outfits

Seven tapes porno

Six clits engorging

Five transexuals

Four leather whips

Three gay friends

Two go-go girls

Aaaallllllllll toooooooogether noooooooowwwwww...

aaaaaand a dildo with batteries!!!

Fuck all!!! Now I'm really in the mood.

Jet Plane

For the last few days, I have been listening to some songs my sister got from friends of hers. No, you don't understand. You see, she's a good Christian woman. She doesn't smoke nor indulge. She knows her bible from cover to cover. She listens to Hillsongs and all that stuff. No, I'm not saying Hillsongs and all that aren't nice but its disturbing that someone of her age isn't listening to contemporary stuff like the rest of her cool peers. However, of late I have noticed she had been hanging out with some cool people. And its about time too. They should be cool judging by the songs they listen to and here's one.

(Sung to the tune of 'Leaving on a jet plane')

There's so many times we've crashed and burned,
Seems like the colonel would finally learn
Our Russian jets don't make good submarines.

We fly out to protect our nation,
And use seat bottoms for floatation.
The water's warm, and we're good swimmers too.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Call my folks in Tripoli,
Tell them that Khadafi made me go.
I'm a Libyan on a jet plane,
I don't know if I'll be back again.
Muammar, I hate to go.

Aircraft carrier J.F.K.
Come to blow our chemical plant away,
But we keep telling them it's just pharmaceutical.

So miss me and pray for me,
Bow down to the East for me,
Kneel and gently kiss my butt good-bye.
I'm a Libyan on a jet plane,
Don't know if I'll be back again.
Libyan on a jet plane,
Don't know if I'll be back again.

I have a cool sister!!! She's so cool she doesn't even know what this song's all about. Neither did her cool friends. Damnnnnn!!!

A Hippo

The spirit of Christmas is beginning to catch up on my sister which is a good thing. She is so bogged down with work and when I asked her last week if she shared my sentiments about the coming festivity, she bluntly said 'No'. Very not like her and so I left it at that.

I was reading last night when I heard some Christmas carols and this song coming from her room. Which is a good sign.

I don't know where she got it but it went like this :-

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toys
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door, that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs
Oh, what joy and what surprise when I open my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is vegetarian
There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs
Oh, what joy and what surprise when I open my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinocerouseses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too!!!

Screw Jinggle Bells, White Christmas and all those old shit. This is definitely going to be our theme song this year.

Pavlovian Dog

I love the last month of the year. A month of joy and hope and closure and beginnings of new beginnings. A month of Christmas sales and shopping opportunities. And I can't wait to be up stage singing on Christmas eve with the rest of the choir folks. I feel good already.

It’s going to be fun. The cynical may say that I’m being overly sentimental and silly for equating a unit of temporal measurement to anything significant. And they’re right. I am being sentimental. And right again, the months and days and weeks are just temporal units. But for me, each month carries memories and things carried over from previous months from previous years. Each experience good or bad, helps colour each different month. And the most colourful of all the months is December.

So many good things happen in December. I bought my first ride in December. I had my very first date in December. I always had wild parties and fantastic jam sessions in December. My first fuck in December...errrr that was March, I think. So yeah, by association December is a great month.

Pavlovian much? Very.

Gundam

I'm tired. Dead tired.

My flight from Malaya last night was delayed thanks to a technical glitch on this certain budget airline 'bus'. 'Bus' they call it now. And so yours truly and about 100 over other very disgruntled and unhappy passengers were made to wait before they conveniently announced 4 hours later that they were indeed very sorry for the delay and so welcomed us on their 'bus'. I was home almost midnight.

Yes, I had a great time over the weekend. I hooked up with Jas and Fred who travelled from afar to serve justice to a particular quest. Got madly drunk on Friday and Saturday. Met with the lovely Cherie too, if only for a while. I missed that woman. I really do.

It was all good.

However, due to the very foul nature of what had transpired over the weekend, I shall refrain from writing anything about it because it was just fucking insane. Twisted, I tell you!!!

I got home last night and although I was physically tired, I was not in any mood to sleep. Withdrawal I suspect. The Tiger didn't help at all.

I decided to do a bit of cleaning in my little library and downloaded some Christmas songs. Its almost Christmas so it was only right. The room looks the way I want it to look when I checked it this morning. Well, sort of. The framed picture of something abstract is up, the books are as well arranged as I could hope them to be with the space that I have and the computer cables don't look like a bunch of tortured-to-death vipers.

I also realised that I am in possession of many nice 'to be displayed stuff'. Figurines mostly. Gundams and Star Wars things. These used to stand proudly on the shelves and when I felt suddenly older about 10 years ago, I stacked them away. Too juvenile I remember saying. Last night, after arranging them back to their individual glorious pedestals, I stood back and found them to be all good.

I have a lot of other stuff (including aforementioned Gundams) given by friends and from my travels that conveniently found its way into boxes. Some are still in its original casing. Ok, one or two of those said friends aren't friends anymore, but hey, a lot of these stuff are crying out to be shown off. Sort of like...oooh, look at me!!! The person who gave me may be a bit of a wanker, but at least she/he had good taste.

Now, if I can only remember where I stored that damn Christmas tree.

Malaya

Off to Malaya.

Fuzzy Good Vibes

There's this feeling that I get at the end of year, every year. It's a mix of warm fuzziness, a little bit of the awww factor and a slight pinch of melancholy and nostalgia and a largish dose of dopey happiness all rolled into one.

I hope to feel good vibes for the entire month.

A bunch of carollers came to the neighbour's house last night. From a certain charismatic church, which is the church my neighbour's go to obviously. They sang songs and made lots of noise. I fell asleep on the sofa earlier and woke up to 'Hark! The herald angel sing'. This kind of noise, I don't mind at all. After all they were singing some of my favourite Christmas carols. I walked out of the house to have a booster when someone familiar saw me and invited me over.

I had a good conversation with them, much of it revolving around the Christian stuff and Christmas. Those people are the loveliest people you could ever meet. See, not all religious people are stupid. Or ignorant. Or intolerant. Or judgemental. I like these people. You could see how feverently commited they were with church work but they never imposed any of their practices or dogma on me and that's great because that's how it should be. They got it right. The way to tell the message of God is to show it, not by shoving it down people's throats.

It's so unfortunate that people take cues from moronic zealots instead of peace loving people like these for insight on how practising a religion is supposed to be. Why is that? I guess maybe bad shit stands out more. I could go on and on about said zealots but nah. I won't. There will always be morons amongst us. Heck, I can be a moron myself sometimes.

The only thing I can say about this now is that the louder someone proclaims that he/she is a messenger of God, the less likely he/she actually is.

I slept with good vibes.

Times A'Changing

Ok. All the other elves are in the office. Late lunch again.

Amazing!!! In three weeks and the year is out. I find that amazing. A hell of a lot in fact. Remarkable considering how short a year actually is. You'd think when you get older, the odds of changing are less. It is sort of, but not quite. A lot can change in one year. I for one think I've gone through an overhaul. I sit here in December and can safely say am a very different person from January. A false alarm? Could be. But that's not important right now.

It's blazing hot today. But that's just temporary since we're smack dab in the middle of the monsoon season. Pretty soon the rains will get more frequent and I can expect Bladerunner style endless rain in about mid-January. Most of the time I do enjoy long periods of rain. Of course, the flooding that usually comes with it isn't something to be excited about though.

The hormones are at bay and there are no bad vibes at all. And still Christmas draws nearer. I expect to hear Christmas songs in malls any minute now, if they haven't started already. I haven't been to a mall in a long time. Which is strange for someone who used to practically live in malls before now. I'm getting extremely domesticated. You know you're old when getting out of the house is suddenly such a chore.

Today was a very busy day, yet again. It seems our workload is directly proportionate to the number of people we have. The new guys were supposed to help lightened the load. Instead, the workload is keeping pace.

I've had some more thoughts over the last few days, many of which formed during late night conversations. Too bad I can't seem to recall them all. But I do vaguely recall one. It's a sad thing that everything in life has to have an ending. Especially good things, like friendship and good company. Wouldn't it be nice to be contented for the rest of life? It's easy to forget even that will end and will change. Better? Worse? Who knows?

I guess there are no happily ever afters in real life.

Juice

Today has turned out to be quite hectic, mea culpa etc etc. I left a few matters unattended for a whole week and faced the consequences of attending to them at double speed. That took a major part of the morning but that's all taken care of now. Some people are on leave. So I cross my fingers and hope nothing major happens that require these people.

I was at the village over the weekend to attend a ceremony where two cousin's decided to put their John Hancock on a piece of paper thus ensuring a lifelong commitment into matrimonial enslavement. That one went fine and I wish them all the best.

Apart from that, I'm going to take it easy today. Just routine stuff, nothing too experimental. The same goes for everything else. I'm thinking about simplifying my life in general. I do notice that I tend to over think nearly everything. It's quite exhausting. So I'm going to take things at face value a lot more now. After all, not everything has hidden meaning and not everyone has an ulterior motive behind every question and every request. The whens, the whys and the whereto fores don't matter all the time.

So, I'm going to pay less attention to the perceived threats in life and deal with actual things for a change. Also, leave the future in the future, the past in the past and now in the now. Whatever that means.

At least that's the plan anyway. Am I going to do it or is all this just rhetoric? Don't know yet. Whatever happens, I hope to be a little happier at the end of the day. Maybe have a few rounds at the watering hole.

One last thing, just as a reminder. I should stop wanting things that are obviously bad for me. I should be brave enough to walk away from such things, no matter how enticing, regardless of the paranoia that I could be throwing something away. Certain things aren't worth the pain they can bring.

The juice may be good, but sometimes is not worth the squeeze.