Weary

I feel like I live in a world of oxymoron's.

And regular morons, too. Fucking morons.

Nevermind.

I think I must be fucked up inside my head. I've been sleeping a lot lately.

Like, a LOT.

I didn't work yesterday. Instead of taking advantage of having a day off, though, I pretty much slept my day away. I just really, really needed the rest.

I seem to do nothing much more than sleep and read. No energy, desire, motivation to do anything else. Can't even have a proper hard on watching Hikaru Koto. She's not fun now.

Its 11:46pm and i feel tired. Time to get into some deep REM shit before I get jerked out of it and then to slave my shit off for my fucking masters.

Ahhh...my weary soul.

The Drink

The fucking evilness I share very close quarters with cannot be seen nor felt but it is very real.

It would sink its teeth into my best laid plans on an almost daily basis if I let it. And when it grabs me in its fucking jaws, it takes all of my strength to prise them open and jump out.

Sometimes the mo'fucker steps in, especially on the days I am feeling particularly down and sometimes when I'm happy and at just the fucking right time I welcome it in with open arms even allowing it hang around with me for a couple of hours, 5 to 10 hours at a stretch.

Sometimes, that is.

It always outstays its welcome though, and I end up having sometimes to forcibly kick it out. It doesn’t seem to mind my rude ways though as it keeps coming back. And thats fine by me.

But it’s an annoying distraction this fucking evilness.

After each visit, it leaves in its wake thousands of gravity hammer pounding at the back of my head. And sometimes for fun, he opts for ice picks. And the fucker never helps me clear up the mess that is left at the end of each visits and it always, fucking always leaves me feeling fucking guilty- especially on the days I grudgingly give it a little room to flex its muscles.

But I wonder sometimes if I really ever want to get rid of it.

It’s kind of like an old buddy now. But one you just fucking loooove to hate.

I wouldn't even really call it a 'friend' though inspite of our knowledge of each other spanning many years. Just, buddy. Besides, if I had known back then what it was going to be like, I wouldn’t even have allowed it its present status of acquaintance. But over the years, we have learned to tolerate each other and that fucking works just fine for us.

I know some of you even unwittingly entertained it on occasions and did I happen to mention that its also very cunning? Sometimes it pretends to do you a favour when in fact, it is really out to fucking fuck you up inside out.

I know this but do I care? Fuck, no!!!

I just loooooove my evilness...