Erection Week

Its that time and season again. The season where the masses are duped to worship unto the altar of Dolus. Promises after promises are made, manifestos read out loud, ground breaking ceremonies and laying of bricks here and there. We all know these promises remains just as promises most of the time. And not to mention the millions spent and literally showered upon the worshippers so that a certain candidate will get elected into office.

I really don't know whats the fuss about since I was told over and over again that the outcome of this coming election is rather obvious. I personally think that the powers that be should just sign a memorandum of understanding with the opposition parties to allow them to win uncontested in all the 'village' constituencies primarily because these parties only win in the villages while allowing the opposition to take on the urban areas. After all, how many urban constituencies are there comparatively, anyway? And just to be nice maybe they should also throw two or three senatorship to anyone of the deserving opposition members. That way, all will be well in Parliament. Lets face it, in our model of democracy the opposition will never form the government. Not in my lifetime at least. But I hope I'm wrong.

Every place I have my breakfast or beer the last few weeks, there is a chance that someone will ask me the standard line of questioning which is "So...you think the opposition's going to make any impact this time around?" and other shit like that. And then there is the bar debates over what they like to call as current issues and endless discussions on why a certain candidate will win and the reasoning behind the win that follows which just merely portrays them to be more politically knowledgeable than me and everyone else at the bar. Which in actual fact is true. My politics is good only when I'm taking a dump. So I tell them I don't know and frankly, I don't give a shit.

And in case if you're wondering, I have no interest in joining any of these political parties. I'm a sympathiser to the opposition political cause and belief, yes. I think its all noble and shit but I just have this thing against political parties and that they all have a tendency to be a bit like organised religions where dissent is not tolerated and dissenters condemned to hell.

But would it interest you to be a part of a system that during nomination day, there is this report that I read, where there are all sorts of attempts by candidates from all parties to disqualify their opponents, including objections to lack of fucking fullstops, commas and 'Bin' on nomination papers? Which I find quite stupid, really. But certainly not as stupid as the people who tried to field a bankrupt as a candidate who then got disqualified, thus giving the opposition its first win.

Me? Yes, I'm a registered voter but I won't be casting my vote this time around and fuck you if you think my vote counts because the person(s) contesting in my constituency does not deserve my one vote.

Why, you ask?

Well, just fucking because.

Flu

So I went to see this doctor yesterday morning because I didn't feel very good when I woke up. I felt a little feverish.

I called in sick and asked the office where I could use my Med Card. I was told there was one clinic not very far from my house.

I drove over and walked in to find myself being the only client...no, patient, in the waiting area. I presented my card and the bored looking lady behind the registration counter asked, "First time?" To which I replied, "No. I had fever sometime in December last year too. Its the weather I think". She wasn't amused.

I was pointed to the doctors room and a nurse told me to take a seat by the doctors table.

"Alone?", she asked.

No sure why she asked me that but I nodded.

Said the doctor would be atending to me in a minute. She looked bored. It was a nice room with lots of books. Thick medical related books and references. And scanning around to my surprise I found a whole shelf dedicated to books I remember from law school and I swear he also has 'The complete Guide to Company Law for Idiots'. I made a quick note to remember to tell the good doctor not to quit his job.

So he walked in.

"How are we today?"

Told him I didn't feel too good. He tried to smile I think and said, "You came to the right place. First time?".

"No...I mean, yes. I think I got the flu and I feel a little dizzy"

He did the standard checks - my temp, throat and heart beat.

"A bit of temp there....pulse normal...throats a bit dry...errrrmmm...check your BP"

Good doctor proceeded to wrap my right arm with the BP band thing and mumbled something.

"How old?", he asked.

I was beginning to feel that the people here love to leave their question hanging.

"Wrong side of thirty", I replied.

"You better be. I'm reading 150 here and it shouldn't. Are you on any BP meds?"

"No. And I don't feel like I need to start. But do I?"

He gave me a long look and said, "Ok. I'm sure its not serious and it could be the flu. From the bags under your eyes, you didn't sleep well either. It could be all that. You need to rest today. But I need to see you back here in 13 days".

"Why 13 days?", I asked.

"Three days for you to recover from the flu. 10 days for you to stop smoking and if you drink, that too. And whatever unhealthy activity you do...errrmm and try to sleep early ".

And with that he prescribed my medications of which I checked later to be the standard paracetamol, cough syrup and antibiotics.

I left the clinic in a daze.

The meds are still in the car. I haven't touched any of it and I'm feeling much better.

Calm And Peace

I was at the beach two weeks ago and that was necessary. It has been a long time since I took time off from this mindless slaving for my monolith slave drivers.

It was good.

But it was the jungle trail nearby that made my day. Yes, I did Mount Gading for the second time.

I love the waterfalls and lovely wild flowers, and the fragrant breath of lianas, vines and stangler figs.

The trail has strung along it, as upon a thread of silk - opalescent dawns and saffron sunsets. It has given me blessed release from care and worry and the troubled thinking of our fucked up modern life style - well, at least thats how some of us perceive life to be. It has been a return to the calm and the peaceful.

Whenever the pressure of our complex city life thins my blood and be numbs my brain, I seek relief in the trees, the quiet...the jungle.

...and then by the beach just before sunset, when I hear the cicadas wailing to the yellow dusk, my cares fall from me.

I am happy again if not but for awhile.

Hoi...Fuckin'...Let, Man!!!

Ahhhh...riiggghhhhhttttt.

Ed, Dodo And The Rest Of 'Em

Fuck it!!! I might as well jump on the band wagon and give my take on this Edison, the dodo girl and that one from that girl group, scandal thing.

All I have to say about this is - EDISON whoever you are, YOU FUCKING RAWK!!! and DAMN, THOSE GIRLS ARE DUMB!!! - In fact unbelieveably dumb and I dont know any of them. Never heard of them until now, didn't even know they were superstars and shit. Yes, I do know Jackie Chan and I think he's a moron now but not when he was in The Legend Of The Drunken Master.

I spent three hours or thereabout surfing the net for pictures and maaann...these women are indeed hotness personified. So hot, I have to type this again.

EDISON, YOU BITCH!!! YOU FUCKING RAWK!!!

And so I was told that these babes aren't suppose to be your two bit whores or some dumb schoolgirls who have more air than brains in their heads but famous and successful women. Famous, at least in Hong Kong and maybe somewhere near where I live.

Now, I'm not sure what drove Ed here to do what he did and how he actually suceeded in persuading the babes to pose in the nude. And to get them to agree to have their videos taken is another thing but didn't I see one of them taking on his moan maker in her face hole, being eaten and generally taking some sexy back? I don't think we'll ever know why, now that I read somewhere, and if that news is anything to go by, that he had made a disappearing act. Forever, it says. But I sure as hell would want to know how he achieve all that.

By the way Ed, wherever you are, and if you're reading this, please don't pull a number on Hikaru Koto, man. I swear to The One Who Sends, I'll hunt you down like a rabid dog!!!

Damn you, Ed!!! You IS good!!!

Oh, No! Not Again!

If you didn't know it already, it's the eve of this day in honour of a martyred saint who was very much in love with himself.

I think.

But please tell me that you're not about to let the merchants and restaurants milk your hard-earned money by succumbing to their ridiculously priced romantic treats.

I read somewhere that a very 5 starred hotel in a neighbouring country has come up with something ridiculously ingenious to cash on this stupid day by offering this package deal costing $40K which encompasses being picked up in a limo, put on a helicopter for a swoop over the city and served a 6-course gourmet dinner. No takers yet but well, who knows? Someone may be crazy or rich enough to surprise his stupid girlfriend.

I hate this stupid day. I hate it because it's yet another useless day that gives the greeting-card industry more work. I hate it because I shouldn't have to add a specific day (specific, besides Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays, of course) to buy yet another gift to show my feelings.

And then there's the issue of the "message" sent by the gift. CDs are too impersonal, clothes aren't worth the effort, flowers, chocolate, and anything pink has been rendered a cliche. Don't even get me started on the legions of useless stuffed animals holding hearts that get thrown in a corner of a bookshelf and gather dust and bacteria for the next decade.

All I can say is, I still cringe at the sight of couples savouring their candle-light dinner in a packed restaurant, whispering sweet nothings to each other within earshot of the next couple bearly inches away. And what about those waiters scurrying about. Doesn't seem very romantic, does it?

I said it before and I say it again, lets heed Emperor Claudius II Gothicus command and sign the order for the axe to swing.

For the rest of you out there, go ahead, have agood one and you stink!!!

Jimbo and Me

I was at this watering hole last night and right now I wish I wasn't. I should have just took on brother Aaron's invitation to that bible study group instead or something.

Right.

So I walked into this pub last night and sat at the bar. It was my first time. Ordered my Big Cat and tried to ignore everyone else including the scantily clad lady working behind the bar. The crowd was just starting to fill the place and it had become noisy I couldn't even make the words of "My Way" on the background. There was this bastard - lets call him Jimbo - sitting not far from me and judging from his composure which was brodering stupidity, I could tell that he had maliciously over indulged his daily quota. I swear I've seen Jimbo at some pub somewhere and recall that like last night, it wasn't a very pleasent encounter.

I was at my third Big Cat, when suddenly Jimbo stood up, gulped his beer and spat the whole fucking thing in this person’s face who was sitting next to him. Let me describe the person - thin, over 6 feet and skin so pale he looked like death and was as drunk as Jimbo. I could tell. He stared at Jimbo, mouth gapping.

I was like, What The Fuck, What The Fuck, What The Fuck!!!??? Isn't there any fucking pub in this city where one can have a decent beer anymore???!!!

There was an exchange of profanities as was expected between the two but unfortunately for Jimbo, while the stare-down had been going on, the rest of thin-over-6-feet-and-skin-so-pale-he-looked-like-death gang started making their way over to the bar, and these guys looked tough. One had a fucking stick sticking out of his back pocket, and another held an empty jug – they both looked like they meant business.

I was just about to make my exit when I was grabbed at the shoulder by this ugly reason for a human and asked me in Chinese if I was a friend of Jimbo - for the purpose of this post, I shall aptly refer to the guy who so indecently touched me as Ugly Bastard - I told him no, I didn't know Jimbo. Found out later Ugly Bastard was the good proprietor.

Jimbo, moving with a speed that belies his age and girth jumped over the bar like a fucking Olympic hurdler and grabbed what looked like a rod holding it clumsily but in a threatening manner. Or so he thought. Ugly Bastard then grabbed a fucking pool cue off the wall, snapped it in half over his knee, and started whipping the pieces around like he was Bruce fucking Lee. I mean, I've seen Jimbo in similar fracass before this and I know so much then that he was convinced he was a kung fu grandmaster, but that’s fucking nothing next to what Ugly Bastard can do with a couple of pieces of wood – he had Jimbo laid out cold in under ten seconds.

And that was it. The shit went down so fast, Jimbo was dragged out on his back to the rear of the pub and that was the end of it. Not a glass was broken. Ugly Bastard then reassured me Jimbo was fine and that he has got himself into this kind of shit many times. Told me a few hours before I entered, Jimbo and the thin 6 footer deathly looking person had a heated argument over whether it was more prestigious to lick ass or fondle balls. Or something to that effect.

Ugly Bastard apologised profusely and paid for my next two big cats.

Tells me that sometimes violence is the answer. BUT only in circumstances like this, he says. Especially when it’s directed towards raging douches who argue over shit like that and in the process, scares the shit out of good people like me. I agree with him. And to anyone who disagrees, I’ll give you my response in advance. Fuck you. No, seriously – fuck you.

That’s all.

Oh, for those who are celebrating this festivity - Have a good one.

By the way, I'll be watching Juno tonight.

Tabako No Flavour

Saigo no kisu
wa tabako no flavour ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori
Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irundarou
Dare wo omotterundarou

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasureta kunai kotobakari
Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anatawo omotterundarou