Brownies

Whipping up a simple brownie isn't exactly like working with mercury or some high science shit. Don't you be bringing that weak ass excuse, because its really that simple. This is so simple, you won't even need an electric mixture cos you can use your fucking hands, bitch!

And this is not about those short ass brownies because those shit just don't make the cut. I like them tall and cakey. Chewy and fudgy but moist enough so that it melts in your mouth.

What it is :-

A bar of cooking chocolate
Two cups of coarse brown sugar
A bar of butter

You throw all the above in a glass bowl and give it a water bath. You don't melt them in a stupid saucepan even if its on low heat cos that will burn them. And just what exactly is a water bath, you ask? Go fucking google it, bitch!

Moving on.

Throw in three eggs and a little vanilla in the melted mixture and mix well. Set aside to rest cos the shit had a water bath earlier, bitch!

Get three cups of flour in a bowl. Throw in two tablespoon of cocoa powder, a little baking powder, some walnuts and fold. Blend in the choclate mixture and pour in an 8inch square pan. Then throw it in your pre heated oven, say at 350 deg or on low setting if you're using a gas oven. You want a bad ass moist, fudgy, chewy brownie? 25 mins tops. Its all about heat and timing, really.

But I tell you, no box mix can even come close to this one right here. It is that good, I kid you not.

Lefty

While some quarters are busy fatwahing, I thought I'd amuse myself today by doing a stupid thing. This would be in tandem to the prevalent stupidity around us of late.

And so when I woke up this morning, I decided I was left handed.

Yes, that's what I decided to be. A lefty. Brushed my teeth, wiped my ass, held my Marls, had my kueh chap - chopsticks clumsily between my fingers, held 5 big cats, all with my left hand. Have you ever had to change from being right handed to doing almost everything with your left hand? That's exactly what I decided to do this morning. For a whole day. Even putting down my John Hancock on documents that came to my table.

It was hard and it is stupid, I know.

But whooaaahh...I suddenly feel an urge coming! A very strong one.

It is Japanese night tonight and I do have Hikaru Koto's latest flick somewhere in the C drive.

Hmmmmm...I don't know but it would definitely be interesting to attempt this with my left hand for a change.

Maybe I should.

Polite People

I think polite people are just deceitful and plain fucking rude.

Oh, yeah. Thats right. They're all fucking rude. Polite people will only talk to you because they feel a need to. And they will do what ever they need to, so as not to be seen...errr impolite. To these ones, I say - please don't see manners and being polite in the same light.

Take yesterday for instance. I knocked off early from work and headed to this trendy bar, right, and found I was their only customer. I was at my second big cat when this trendy looking girl walks in, sat not far from where I was and ordered a drink with a trendy name. She repeatedly rummaged through her handbag, did her hair, checked herself out in her vanity mirror thingy, if that is what its called, and was constantly typing something on her blackberry. In between all this comical act, I noticed she smiled. To herself. And this went on for a full 20 minutes or so.

Weird.

And then it happened. She attempted to be fucking polite.

"Hey, there...excuse me, I'm sorry...but you seem quiet", she said from three stools away.

And I'm like, that's probably because I want to be left alone and maybe just feel like being quiet, stooopid bitch.

I smiled and raised my beer glass. I thought I did the right thing. Don't say a word and she'd probably just leave me be.

But to my horror, she leaned towards my direction and with a very concerned tone asked why I was so oooohhfullly quiet.

Not in the mood to get into small talks and all that shit, I told her a good friend committed suicide on Monday and that I was still grieving.

Bad call.

"Oooooh, I'm sorry. Were you good friends? Like best of friends...yaddayadda"

And for a whole hour, she ranted on how she had gone through the same shit while studying in Ostolia and how she went through hell and how this certain book I can't remember the title now, helped her.

I nodded, managing only a few yes...uh-huh...aaaahhh...hmm...while she yak-ke-dee-yakked away. And I was staring at her tits most of the time because her tits were the only two things nice about her.

I have manners, I open doors, offer my seat, offer to be of assistance when required and will sometimes stand up at a table when a woman arrives. When I walk into an empty bar and find a woman sitting alone looking depressed, I sit very, very far from her and leave her alone to dwell in her misery. Yes, I do have manners.....believe it or not.

However, being polite does not sit well with me. I think folks who are polite will do things they do not wish to do. They lose their individuality and they can not be themselves. It is sad, really.

And then she went - "...I can see you're sad....I can tell. You were quiet when I walked in just now...so I thought I'd be polite and stay...you know, to talk..."

FREEEEAK!

Bears

The preacher man diverted from his main sermon this morning and touched on what he referred to as a 'strange and disturbing' passage from the Old Testament. And I was like, since when was the good book not strange and disturbing? But never mind.

I didn't really pay attention to the sermon afterwards because I was then reading the book of 2 Kings.

It's this one on Elisha and the bears. And if you didn't know yet and I didn't until just this morning, Elisha is popularly regarded as the Luke Skywalker of the bible and his boss-man, Elijah, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

First, a bit of background. Elijah - big time prophet, adviser to kings, raiser of the dead extraordinaire and local celeb. Elisha - Elijah's sidekick. That is all.

So, one day Big G tells Elijah that it was time to retire and take up golf or something. Elijah later takes Elisha out of town and they come to this river, right, and he takes off his shirt and gives the river a nice slap with it ala Musa. The river parts and they cross. A bit of a show-off but he's a prophet, you see. And across the river, Elijah being boss and all tells Elisha what Big G had planned for him. And just like Luke in Starwars, Elisha goes all drama and emo and shit and says, "Noooooo way! This is soooo not on!".

But this was Big G's plan and Elisha knows better to jive with Big G's shit and not argue. So he was cool but not before he asked his boss for double share of his power and shit. Which wasn't a bad deal, really. Elijah said it wasn't his to give but Big G's. And told the 'ol boy that if he 'saw' something strange going down then that was his sign.

And suddenly, the bible tells us, while they were still chilling and talking and shit, a fucking blazing chariot of fire and horses which were also on fire came down from the sky and like, swept Elijah away leaving Elisha going - what da fuck?!

And I'm like, alien abduction, yo!!!

So Elisha walks into this village with a cool name - Bethel, right, minding his own business. He just saw his boss taken up in a chariot of fire and he's all sad and shit and these little kids runs to meet him and starts mocking him.

Bad move.

Calls him names and shit. Mr. Baldy and other shitty names. Which was by standard even at the time, was as bad as saying something about your mommas privates and shit.

So good 'ol Elisha was so fucking pissed off he could have given them the finger and walk but noooooooo, he decides to up it one level further.

He stops. He thinks - do I have it? Can I do Elijah's shit? I did see the 'sign', didn't I? Chariot and horses on fire and shit. And then he turns to the kids, invokes the name of Big G and summons two motherfucking bears to come out of the woods!

Mo'fucking bears, yo!!!

Needless to say the passage tells us the little children got fucking clawed to bits. All 'forty and two' of them it says.

And what did Elisha do after watching them kids get clawed, shit tubes torn out of their little bellies and shit?

The dude runs up to this mountain to chill.

How bizarre-ly cool is that?

Picture Story IX

On stage

Ladies fellowship

Blue eyes

Market

Tiny leaves

Maize

Need.Detox.Now.

I read somewhere, a certain very dead person said this - "No rest is worth anything except the rest that is earned".

And I think I earned mine last night. I may have slept the longest ever. Which is rare by my standard. I was kncoked out by 7:00pm yesterday and only got up at 8:00 this morning. It's unbelievable and yes, I definitely earned it. Still, it could be the age factor and shit.

But I've been busy entertaining the slave drivers from up north since Monday to reciprocate the same deal when I was in their backyard months ago. Payback time and shit. Nothing much. Started off on Monday evening with the usual kissing of the slave driver's ass and mindless discussions over liberal serving of malts. No dinner but lots and lots of drinking thereafter. Wednesday night was the worse. I vaguely remember dancing, but I think I did. To 'Dancing Queen'.

Ooooh, fuckarama!!! I think I fucking did!!!

Personal damage count after 3 nights - 75ml of various malt, approximately. And very many, many big cats. One or two pints of the black juice.

But slave driver's all gone now which is good because I don't think I could have done any more drinking. I was too fucking tired and the poor liver feels like it's giving up on me. I fucking feel it. Shit, just about everything about me is about to give up right now. The throbbing headache is still there and there's sweat on my forehead.

I think a couple of days detoxing is called for.

Starting...now.

I Am Brother Love

"...and that they will know we are Christians by our love"

I just wonder - why can't we just have the love for it's own sake? I mean, why do we have to be kind to people only to convert them?

Like, I got friends who are not of the faith. The Christian faith. And a few more who just choose not to be affiliated of any organised religious group but still believe in a higher entity. Unbelievers, we call them. Sometimes atheists or something like that.

Do they really need to be converted? Do we need to convert them?

I think my unbeliever or atheist friends needs no such external compulsion. Or persuasion. They, in my opinion are good people by his or her own nature.

I stand corrected but I sometimes think that religious folks have to be commanded to have morals. Coaxed and sometimes goaded. Its like their beliefs comes only from the will of some great force they're afraid of or something. And on Sundays such as this morning, the sermon is laced to guilt the listeners into such behavior. And then they harbor ill feelings in the absence of these pressures.

But is not the person morally superior if the same can hold commendable beliefs without being forced?

And I find it unbelievable that sometimes brothers of the same faith would claim they are morally superior than the unbelievers or atheists because of the beliefs they hold. Like, they say murder is wrong. That killing another is wrong except when it is morally justified. Well, many unbelivers and atheists frineds of mine think killing is just wrong. And that the killing of one person to save others is necessary. But still wrong.

Errrr...

Okay.

I really don't know where I'm going with this one.

Need sleep.

Sleeeeeeep.

U S And A

So...the U S and A has a brother as their President and I say its about fucking time too. All good and dandy and shit. I hope he pulls all those men and women out of Eye-raq fast because I think they've overstayed their welcome and war isn't fun. Love is. Actually, making love is.

Errr...fuck that. Whatever.

But have you been following the local news and shit lately? What about that national budget thing presented by our new finance big boss man. His very first big announcement after taking over the Finance Minister portfolio and shit. Calls it his "7 billion economic stimulus". I read in the papers the other day that this "extraordinary measure was required due to the extraordinary time" we are now faced with. Don't really understand all the mumbo jumbo but my guess is that he's referring to the global economic meltdown and shit. And so therefore, there was a need to introduce this "7 billion economic stimulus" thing. To stimulate...errrr our local economy, I think.

I'm no economist and knows no shit about budgeting but now I'm told all this budget talk, stimulus package and whathaveyou shit is actually a hypothetical proposal. That's right. Hypothetical. It isn't real. Yup, and that's exactly what the finance big boss man's deputy said in Parliament and not 24 hours after his boss made that "7 billion economic stimulus" announcement. And only when he was cornered by an opposition head honcho on the how and whys and shit. Mainly on where the fuck the 7 billion was coming from and why this new budget wasn't tabled, debated and other complicated political budgetery shit I don't really understand.

And so it seems, all those figures and the millions and millions proposed to be given out to stimulate the economy you read on the front page of every major newspaper just recently are all but just a fucking mirage. Not real.

Hypothetical or not, this won't affect me and frankly, I don't really give a fuck.

And what about that dude who is now free from charges of abetment in the Mongolian job, huh? The dude never took the stand. Never questioned if he knew the lady. Or if he knew anyone who knew her. Or if he did Paris with her and shit. And he gets to walk. Judge said no case to answer. Leaving the sorry asses of the two para military dudes who C4ed her to an almost predictable fate.

So much for that talk about overhauling the judiciary and shit early this year. I can't help but fucking wonder if this is all just another fucking charade. Not real and shit. And what about that "be cool" sms expose' and the string of sms-es between the nations second man and the dudes lawyer and shit.

Fuck, man.

We all know the two dudes gonna get shit, big time. Still the bigger question is - who the fuck then gave the go on the Mongolian job and why? I seriously don't think the two dudes have any good motives to do her. Don't think they even knew her.

But just maybe...and this is just a remote possibility. Hypothetical and shit...could it be that the two dudes did it for...ohhhh...I don't know...fun, maybe?

Random Shit

I've been lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but its now 1:24am and I'm still struggling. I walked around my house, switched on the TV and noticed the computer was still on.

So here I am contemplating who else can I still be?

Its a valid question with many possibilities. I'm a real believer in this - you can be anything you want to be shit - but my biggest blinding flash of the fucking obvious for this year has been about goal setting. Because without goals, how the fuck are you to know if you have achieved anything at all?

So, right here is a small part of list of my goals for the next 127 - 276 years :-

1. To be a better friend. Like, to be able to listen more and be less quick to offer my thoughts.

2. To continue to learn and develop and be good at anything I try. And if I find something I love, well, to be fucking great at it. To try to laugh more, relax more, travel more. And to be good to me and to love me more and all that shit. Also, to be thankful and grateful for everything. Shit included.

3. To try and get Hikaru Koto to do a spread eagle and shit while I watch and be supportive to her no matter what.

So, there...