More Morons

Not so long ago, we were asked to change our lifestyle after the then government of the fucking day jacked up fuel price. And I'm like, what the fuck do I have to change if I don't have a fucking lifestyle? Shit happens, they say and so they did just that. Just for the hell of it, they then scaled it downwards months later to what they thought was an affordable figure. Price of fuel didn't get lower and still pricey and is still pricey now but fuck it, I'll lived. In the midst of all the whatdafucks, one minister even suggested we start growing our own vegetables. And I'm like, fuck I will.

I'm still like fuck I will, even today.

So, fuck you!

Then just recently there is this 'realisation' of somethingsomething on something or some shit like that. A whole literature about this realisation thing was printed in the paper but like fuck I read shit like that. Only thing I know is that this realisation somethingsomething realised the price of fuel upwards.

Again.

Sugar and cooking oil too. And as usual, I'm fucked all around.

I'm fine with all this realisation somethingsomething but when some fucking minister goes around saying we use too much fuel and that we must now reduce its usage, I get fucking fuckarama pissed fucking off.

If the person has an ounce of brain in his fucking head he should just go shoot himself in the fucking gonads. That is if has an ounce. Of gonads.

Fucking moron!

Man, I swear to Gee, this fucking country is veering towards madfuckingness.

Like, its as if they think we burn more fuel just for the fucking kick of it. Do we actually have a fucking choice that we HAVE to use more? You just have to look at our local transport system, our fucking roads, not the ones in Malaya, and maybe apply fucking common sense. Fuck, even in Malaya, with all their LRT's, monorail this and that and what the fuck all is all fucked up. Everybody I know still fucking drives.

And on the radio this morning, a minister suggested we should now go for them hybrid cars. And I'm like, FUCK YOU TOO!

Does he even know how much a fucking hybrid cost? I'm already defaulting my loan installment like fuck on my fuel guzzling ride and now he tells me to go hybrid?

Fuck you, you fucking moron!

And is that other moron serious when he said the devil looks like Man U's little red person just because it has two horns, pointed tail, pitchfork and all? Fucking fucktard!

I'll tell you how the devil looks like. She's got ZZ Top crazy beard. Sometimes. Wears shades, uber long curly hair and sports a bob sometimes. She smokes Marlboro Lights. Fuck, sometimes she drinks Tiger beer. And yes, she is really a woman.

Fuck man, already the world is laughing at us for the fuck ups. Now, its like we just really want to be fucking assholes.

I say, fuck you!

Really, fuck you!

Lord Of The Jungle

Years ago when I was young and much shorter, Ron Ely played Tarzan on TV and I desperately wanted to be him. He was everything that a young and short boy like me aspired to be. His skills at handling animals, the chimp, the jungle and that kid whatshisname were a terrible obsession for me.

What more could a young boy want to be but a man for all seasons, battling them bad guys, deadly creatures and best of all, being able to fuck the nubile Jane. Really, I even thought about fucking Jane when I was younger and shorter.

Apart from going to school and coming home to homework's and shit, life was pretty much a dull affair then. The parental units were regimental and religiously raised their two young and short kids by the ways of the fucking Spetsnaz. Fuck, we even had a fucking time table when we got home from school and the only break we had was on Sundays and even then, we were forced to go to fucking Sunday School. It didn't help that the father was once upon a time a school teacher.

But me and my equally young and short bro, we managed. We often slipped out of the house after the parents left for work, scrambled to the jungle near our house and did our shit.

Our house was on a hill near our sorry ass for a beach. We'd walked to the small jungle patch nearby with our neighbour and we'd find squirrels in the trees or a wily wolf slinking along in the half light. Ok, maybe not a wolf but some stray cats or dogs or some shit like that.

And at that time I didn't know how to swim. But Tarzan, he swam with enormous energy at an amazing speed and he could do the whooooaaaahhhhoooaaaaaaahhhh like he meant it.

The other young and short kid, my bro and I often attempted to build a tree house, filching our father's tools, nails and pieces of wood to construct a miserable platform that fell to bits because we were just not competent enough. We competed of course as to whom was actually Tarzan and I being the tallest, became him. The other two never had a chance.

Generally, our efforts were doomed because we had no sense of quiet. Everything we did was noisily performed. The birds and squirrels kept very clear of us and so did all the potential Janes who on hearing our whooping calls made off in the opposite direction. Ok, there were no girls.

Those were the good times.

But that was then. When I was younger and much shorter.

Things are different now.

I watch porn and sometimes I want to be Hikaru Koto.

That is all.

The D in Dee Minus

I just finished reading the newspaper and I kind of hate myself right now. There's just really nothing good to read in there.

Okay, maybe hate isn't quite the right word. That shit implies a violent emotion, one which desires to destroy or hurt the object of hatred. It's more like a frustration and despair. And I definitely feel like the fucking D in dee minus.

Why?

Well, fucking because I have ideas about who and what I should be, and should be doing, and I'm not those people and I'm not doing those things. Or anything remotely close.

Like I'm not a wildly successful entrepreneur for fucking green technologies and I'm not a world changing activist who inspires millions to take up arms against our destructive system and plant gardens. I'm also not a spiritual bad ass who gives up everything to find a perfect master and totally trusts in the God with a big G. I'm certainly not a normal bad ass who devotes himself to some mastery and uses it to better the fucking country.

These are things that I'm fucking not.

And fuck all, I think they are better, more important jobs than mine.

And for fucking crying out loud, why can't I strike that 6/58 already?