Lord Of The Jungle

Years ago when I was young and much shorter, Ron Ely played Tarzan on TV and I desperately wanted to be him. He was everything that a young and short boy like me aspired to be. His skills at handling animals, the chimp, the jungle and that kid whatshisname were a terrible obsession for me.

What more could a young boy want to be but a man for all seasons, battling them bad guys, deadly creatures and best of all, being able to fuck the nubile Jane. Really, I even thought about fucking Jane when I was younger and shorter.

Apart from going to school and coming home to homework's and shit, life was pretty much a dull affair then. The parental units were regimental and religiously raised their two young and short kids by the ways of the fucking Spetsnaz. Fuck, we even had a fucking time table when we got home from school and the only break we had was on Sundays and even then, we were forced to go to fucking Sunday School. It didn't help that the father was once upon a time a school teacher.

But me and my equally young and short bro, we managed. We often slipped out of the house after the parents left for work, scrambled to the jungle near our house and did our shit.

Our house was on a hill near our sorry ass for a beach. We'd walked to the small jungle patch nearby with our neighbour and we'd find squirrels in the trees or a wily wolf slinking along in the half light. Ok, maybe not a wolf but some stray cats or dogs or some shit like that.

And at that time I didn't know how to swim. But Tarzan, he swam with enormous energy at an amazing speed and he could do the whooooaaaahhhhoooaaaaaaahhhh like he meant it.

The other young and short kid, my bro and I often attempted to build a tree house, filching our father's tools, nails and pieces of wood to construct a miserable platform that fell to bits because we were just not competent enough. We competed of course as to whom was actually Tarzan and I being the tallest, became him. The other two never had a chance.

Generally, our efforts were doomed because we had no sense of quiet. Everything we did was noisily performed. The birds and squirrels kept very clear of us and so did all the potential Janes who on hearing our whooping calls made off in the opposite direction. Ok, there were no girls.

Those were the good times.

But that was then. When I was younger and much shorter.

Things are different now.

I watch porn and sometimes I want to be Hikaru Koto.

That is all.