Death
A cousin died on Monday.
Cancer.
And she was only 27 and engaged to be married to a nice boy exactly a week before.
In February, my favourite aunt who was also momma's youngest sister died. She struggled with melanoma and fought it good till the day she passed on. The initial news from the doctor months before that was obviously difficult to take even for me but instead of reigning to the fact that all was lost, she swore to fight back.
She lives near my house and trying to be present for her through that few months, and feeling close to helpless in the face of death and emotional pain, has forever changed the way I think about death, about hope, about healing, about mental health, about compassion.
I saw another human being at her deepest and darkest, and then I was blessed to witness the miracle of her re-emergence from that place. She fought hard and she did good and passed on peacefully. She leaves a wonderful husband and 4 young children, the youngest being 7 this year. She had already lost one child to cancer and that was still painful for her even then. And although I would never wish either side of that journey on anyone, I am grateful to have lived through that experience.
Why am I talking of death now you might wonder. There are nights when I lay on my bed with no sleep and this question lingers - whose death would affect me more, whose death would I fear more. My own? Or those close to me?
I really can’t imagine when people have to deal with their parents death when they are young, after a long time I felt really fortunate to have had my parents all along. they're like my safety net, like a fucking ATM for anything and everything.
And what about my cousin's death? She didn't even know she had the disease. At least that's what her mom and sis tells us. She was beautiful, athletic, outgoing and a God fearing young girl who never missed church on Sundays.
How do you deal with death like this? And then the folks say - God loves her more. Its God's will and other fucked up statement like that. And I'm like whatdafuck, if God loved her more, then I sure as hell think God has a nasty sense of humour by inflicting a burst cyst in her baby pouch before taking the dear life away from her. She didn't even get to say goodbye.
And where the fuck will that leave the now grieving fiance?!!
Cancer.
And she was only 27 and engaged to be married to a nice boy exactly a week before.
In February, my favourite aunt who was also momma's youngest sister died. She struggled with melanoma and fought it good till the day she passed on. The initial news from the doctor months before that was obviously difficult to take even for me but instead of reigning to the fact that all was lost, she swore to fight back.
She lives near my house and trying to be present for her through that few months, and feeling close to helpless in the face of death and emotional pain, has forever changed the way I think about death, about hope, about healing, about mental health, about compassion.
I saw another human being at her deepest and darkest, and then I was blessed to witness the miracle of her re-emergence from that place. She fought hard and she did good and passed on peacefully. She leaves a wonderful husband and 4 young children, the youngest being 7 this year. She had already lost one child to cancer and that was still painful for her even then. And although I would never wish either side of that journey on anyone, I am grateful to have lived through that experience.
Why am I talking of death now you might wonder. There are nights when I lay on my bed with no sleep and this question lingers - whose death would affect me more, whose death would I fear more. My own? Or those close to me?
I really can’t imagine when people have to deal with their parents death when they are young, after a long time I felt really fortunate to have had my parents all along. they're like my safety net, like a fucking ATM for anything and everything.
And what about my cousin's death? She didn't even know she had the disease. At least that's what her mom and sis tells us. She was beautiful, athletic, outgoing and a God fearing young girl who never missed church on Sundays.
How do you deal with death like this? And then the folks say - God loves her more. Its God's will and other fucked up statement like that. And I'm like whatdafuck, if God loved her more, then I sure as hell think God has a nasty sense of humour by inflicting a burst cyst in her baby pouch before taking the dear life away from her. She didn't even get to say goodbye.
And where the fuck will that leave the now grieving fiance?!!
posted by Demented | Tuesday, July 28, 2009
4 Comments:
I'm sorry about your loss, bro.
anon : yup.
Why do we think more about death these days, ah kanid? I get angry when they die. Really pissed off. Especially death of the unnatural kind. Whatever fuck that means.
langkau : i dont know kanid. it fucks my mind when the deceased is someone close.
Post a Comment
<< Home