Brain Dead
I have often wondered how memory works? Not from a scientific perspective but from an emotional one.
A friend told me the other day that what our minds choose to remember or forget is within our control. But how far back can we remember?
Definitely not our birth.
He says our first memories are typically big moments like a near drowning when our dad races to the bottom of the pool and pull us out or when we first learn to ride a bike. These moments define us, scare us, or delight us and most definitely shape us. And yes, I do remember these ones well.
But my first memory is being told to keep my mouth shut. This was an unsual thing or moment for me. Mom tells me I was an active, almost hyper kid and she and my grandmother had a tough time 'managing' me. Being told to keep quiet was really a big deal. I didn't understand why, but I was being told to keep my mouth shut. I remember that day they had tissues in their hands and I remember that.
We lived near the hospital then and I was used to having lots of relatives from the villages staying over but that day they spoke quietly. And I also remember some were crying. I didn't really understand but I knew something really important was up. So I sat quietly and watched my mom and grandma cry.
That is all I remember.
What amazes me and others about this memory is that I was about two years old. When I asked mom one day, she told me it was my great grand father's funeral. But in my mind I can see that little snapshot of them crying as clear as day. Many people I have told this story to say there is no way I could remember, but I fucking do.
What about the time when I was driving home from work couple of months back and for some reason suddenly remembered a birthday do I attended when I was 9 years old. I remember my kanid getting into a fight with his kid sister apparently because he moved some of the 'treasures' she hid earlier for our treasure hunt game she had planned. I don't know why my memory bank had to release this one then but I immediately called my kanid to get some confirmation. But all he did was laugh and said it was either an early indication of dementia or that the many big cats all these years may have destroyed a good part of my brain cells.
Dementia...dead brain cells?
I don't know.
A friend told me the other day that what our minds choose to remember or forget is within our control. But how far back can we remember?
Definitely not our birth.
He says our first memories are typically big moments like a near drowning when our dad races to the bottom of the pool and pull us out or when we first learn to ride a bike. These moments define us, scare us, or delight us and most definitely shape us. And yes, I do remember these ones well.
But my first memory is being told to keep my mouth shut. This was an unsual thing or moment for me. Mom tells me I was an active, almost hyper kid and she and my grandmother had a tough time 'managing' me. Being told to keep quiet was really a big deal. I didn't understand why, but I was being told to keep my mouth shut. I remember that day they had tissues in their hands and I remember that.
We lived near the hospital then and I was used to having lots of relatives from the villages staying over but that day they spoke quietly. And I also remember some were crying. I didn't really understand but I knew something really important was up. So I sat quietly and watched my mom and grandma cry.
That is all I remember.
What amazes me and others about this memory is that I was about two years old. When I asked mom one day, she told me it was my great grand father's funeral. But in my mind I can see that little snapshot of them crying as clear as day. Many people I have told this story to say there is no way I could remember, but I fucking do.
What about the time when I was driving home from work couple of months back and for some reason suddenly remembered a birthday do I attended when I was 9 years old. I remember my kanid getting into a fight with his kid sister apparently because he moved some of the 'treasures' she hid earlier for our treasure hunt game she had planned. I don't know why my memory bank had to release this one then but I immediately called my kanid to get some confirmation. But all he did was laugh and said it was either an early indication of dementia or that the many big cats all these years may have destroyed a good part of my brain cells.
Dementia...dead brain cells?
I don't know.
posted by Demented | Monday, January 26, 2009
6 Comments:
I think you imagined that last paragraph lah, kanid. Apart from you being told to keep your mouth shut, I'm sure you must clearly remember how you put a scar on some poor boy's face. You were 5 years old then.
kanid, im so sure about that party. im sure because i dont remember getting invited to other kids birthday parties.
and the scars...yes. how can i forget..
u neva called!! btw good luck with the brain recovery process hahaha!
i just wanna say that i miss hangin out with you, kanid.
whilst reading this post, i suddenly have this memory of us chillin at ruai kitai havin endless buckets of big cats. haha
Some certain Jusep, Apoi, Steven and Paran scolded me asking me to play somewhere else when I was younger. They were lighting up cigarettes. I remembered that for sure.
irry : you neva called too.
arth : errr...thats a little bit leaning towards gay-ness which is fine by me.
the other : i remember telling someone younger the same thing.
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