Shit and December

I've had so much meat in my diet the last three weeks, my fart smells meaty and my shit has evolved to a hard consistency with a touch of red hue. Almost brick red. It got me worried at first but after consulting my doctor, he reassured me that all should be well if there weren't any traces of blood.

I must say I enjoy taking a dump now. Especially in the morning.

And this morning, my shit tubes may have just composed a magnum opus. I thought I did one in February 2007 but this one beats it ass down. So I was sitting there and pushing and slowly but surely, this hard and huge piece of red-ish matter exited my shit hole accompanied by sporadic hissing of escaping gas. I pushed hard. Really hard and was a bit worried I'd burst a vein. But I did the one, two push sequence and it flowed merrily like the song. And then I remembered - this has got to be the lamb leg the other night. And the smell...oh, the smell.

After what seemed like a full minute or so it took to ooze out of my shit tubes, I felt a strange calmness over me. A serene relief like I just ejaculated or something like that.

That one, I believe, has got to be my most memorable bowel movement. I looked to see and was surprised. And was satisfied at the perfect spiral formed at the bottom.

I'm happy about my shit. At least now I can end this year on a happier note.

I don't know about you but I'm beginning not to like December. I used to but not anymore. What with Christmas and the migration of friends and relations from far and wide for the holidays, the festivity and all. It used to be fun and shit but I think I may have grown out of this festivity and realised like, fuck, this is becoming so fucking routine.

And when I looked in the mirror the other day, like I've always did this time of the year for the past years, I found myself staring for like an eternity. And then the voice - the voice asking me to take a step backwards and to fuck myself because, yes, this year I pretty much did not achieve anything worth mentioning. I had planned to travel, planned to go back to school, planned to go back to helping out at the Cheshire home and shit, planned to get my BP down from 130, planned to quit smoking, planned for a change of career but none of that happened because I fucked up or I was just too busy drinking them big cats and getting drunk. A whole year gone by and I didn't even notice it. But screw that.

The parental unit is in town. In fact, the whole clan is in town and if you know me well enough you'd know that my kin is big on eating. Especially meat. Hence my shit this morning.

You would have thought this family thing should put some cheer into this already depressing month but fuck, nooooo. Mom's sister has cancer. Of the worse and most aggresive kind. The doctors told her late last month the cancer wasn't responding to treatment and they don't give her much time. The whole clan had been supportive and its good they're all here to be with her. She is strong though, at least in spirit and we're all praying. It was her birthday yesterday and I baked her a cake.

Looking back, I think this year didn't turn out that bad for me. I got Hikaru Koto to actually reply my email if that counts for anything. I'm already planning to make that trip to Osaka to see her next year.

So, here's bidding sayonara to a fucked up 2008...

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p/s : Damn!!! This Yuna singer songwriter babe fucking roooarrraawks!!!