A Noble Conjecture

I constantly torment myself with my burgeoning intelect...sometimes I wet my pants.

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Location: Gomorah, Sodom

I recognise my indulgence in alcohol is a cause of concern. I am equally distraught at my incorrigible insistence to partake in the celebration of my continued sluggish state brought upon by self inflicted and militaristic penchant for mindless mutilation. And you may go ahead and assume that God loves you more but He wants you to know that I am still his favourite.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

To The Doom

Everything went wrong from the word 'go' this morning. And I have this strange feeling it isn't going to get any better. Gut feeling and shit.

Something is very wrong with my ride and I'm pissed off. Just before the festive thing, I blew close to a grand on repairs and some tweaking to ol' Becca. It was about time she had her fix anyway and what with the long road trip to the longhouse for the festivity. When I took her from the workshop, the good repair person assured me all was good.

Well, fuck him!

No. It's more like, I'm really fucked now.

She did well over the 400 clicks we covered so far with no glitch and shit but not until this morning. She just didn't 'feel' right. The wheels felt wobbly and there were weird noises coming from the engine compartment. I couldn't even steer the poor thing properly. Left her with another auto specialist person just now which probably mean that I might have to cough up more dough should there be any additional tweaking to be done on her. I'm so fucked like this.

Then the phone calls started. The first was to remind me to pay up on my insurance. And then it was my telco provider or whatever. One of those automated telephone thingy. "...your outgoing call is barred..." - for the fucking forth time this week!!! Well, thank you very much 016. Try telling me something I don't already know.

Minutes later, it was the bank's turn to remind me I was two months overdue on my housing loans and overdraft. And that I had to make payments immediately or '...kita akan refer encik to the legal', said the lady on the other end. And I'm like, refer me to the fucking what? Didn't even bother to ask her what she meant. Told her I'll look into it. But like, fuck I will. I'm already down to my last few hundred for the month and theres still some bills to pay.

And then a client called and started demanding for some shit I didn't know shit about because whatever shit he wanted wasn't my fucking shit to start with. I don't normally shout on the phone but I couldn't help myself there just now. And not because the client is by design a complete idiot but it was 8:47am and way too early for such stupidity for me to handle. And all this while I was driving to the salt mine. I just wonder if there is a dubious conspiracy being worked out against me today.

Then I looked at my fuel gauge and guess what? Yes, I was running on bloody fucking 'E'.

So I cursed Pak Lah under my breath. For about 16 and a half times. KJ, Lingam, Mak Enon, Hulk Hogan and just about every politician I know but especially that doctor guy who claims to be an astronaut but really is a space tourist. I cursed them all to hell. Their mother, father, grandmother and their cats. I don't know why but it just felt right. And then I did what was necessary at the moment and screamed...

WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! BANG PUET!!! LEMEK LAH!!! SHIT!!! SHIT!!! SHIT!!!

I must admit that it felt good for a while and I guess what they say is true. Under certain circumstances, profanities provides some relief denied even to prayer.

FAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHKKKKKK!!!

9 Comments:

Blogger bastard united said...

you need some anger management classes to start off with...

Thursday, 19 June, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can understand your anger at Hulk Hogan and the others lah but why oh why Mak Enon laaa....?

Thursday, 19 June, 2008  
Blogger Demented said...

bastard : what anger? whos angry?

langkau : i was traumatised when i first watched her on one of those p ramlee flick. i thought she looked like a witch. i was 5. i still get the chills whenever i think of her.

Friday, 20 June, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck and shit I know but what the hell is ban puet and lemek lah?

Friday, 20 June, 2008  
Blogger nazib said...

good one. i thought they're discussing a no-confidence motion today. any news?

Monday, 23 June, 2008  
Blogger Demented said...

anon : bang puet has something to do with the southern orifice. lemek lah is a bit complicated. theres no english word to explain what that one means. you need to know learn piblotok first.

jeeb : got shot down as expected.

Tuesday, 24 June, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woi, pibloqtok is not a language lah..aiyo. It's the Inuit language equivalent to the meaning of 'latah'. Apparently, only Malaysians (and related countries) and the inhabitants of the Artic experience 'latah' or pibloqtok.

That's anthropology 101 for you lah

Thursday, 26 June, 2008  
Blogger Arth Akal said...

let it out, kanid.

just let it out....

Tuesday, 01 July, 2008  
Blogger Demented said...

langkau : i swear i didnt know that was even a word

arth : need. my. beer.

Tuesday, 01 July, 2008  

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