Pissttt

I am about to relate to you an embarrassing tale involving me and public pissing. Yeah, that's right, I have absolutely no fucking personal dignity. I have no shame. None. Especially when I'm not sober. And especially after 13 big cats. I really have no shame.

And that's a good thing because today's tale feature all the hallmarks of humiliation which is public nudity, urine and me, a hapless 27 year old insignificant bastard. Last night was one of those nights when I felt 27 and you know that one need to be of legal age to consume that much of beer and still be able to drive.

So I left Ruai just before midnight last night, told the lovely bar ladyboss to put everything I had on my tab and staggered out before she had even time to question me on my other unpaid bills. I think I had more than 13 big cats. Nevermind. So just as I was about to reach my ride, I suddenly had to fucking piss. In a very, very big way.

In hindsight, the best course of action would have been to piss in Ruai's toilet and relieve the pressure before leaving. Like everyone else and like I always do when I'm not drunk. But nooooooo...

Stupidity prevailed last night and since I was already out I decided not to walk back into Ruai although the very pressing urge to piss was there. Scanning the car park and the general area I found I was alone. At least thats what I thought. I walked to the front of this small red car parked under a tree. The parking lots around Ruai are not properly lighted and it was definitely a good spot. I was just about to let go but valiantly tried not to sully myself.

Those of you who drinks with me understand the very pressing nature of my situation. You see, I have the smallest bladder in Christendom, errrr...No. Bolehdom. And it was fucking full. Very, very full. Also, when under such pressure, my ability to think fades into just one thought - I NEED TO FUCKING PISS.

So under the tree it was. Right in front of this small red car parked next to mine. I fumbled with my jeans zipper and just before I slugged ol' faithful out to see the dark of night, it fucking decided to spill. Needless to say, my jeans got wet. But I let it go. Swinging it left and right and left again and it felt so good. I mean, I felt good. My piss was everywhere.

After I was done I tucked o'l faithful back, zipped up and stumbled to my ride. And just as I was about to open my ride's door, I overheard giggling. I turned and to my horror, two ladies were in the small red car. One of them stuck her head out looking towards the general direction of my wet crotch and I was like,

"Sweet....Mother...Of...God!!!"

She smiled and said, "You, sir, need to work on your aim or...maybe its just your...thing". And she pointed.

I hate being caught in a fix like this and what I hate most is being unable to say anything sensible such as I was. I wanted to say something. Something stupid to save my ass. A come back line or something. Anything. But I was beyond uttering any words.

I quickly got in and actually could hear them laughing as I drove away.

Sheeeeeeettttttt!!!