Whip It Good

There is news in the local daily that corporal punishment is to make a come back and this proposal should be tabled in parliament very soon. Tabled in parliament??? And I'm like whiskey tango foxtrot...again. I didn't know canning was abolished and why didn't they just abolish capital punishment all together while they were at it. No wonder kids these days are all screwed up.

Teachers are great people. I was once upon a time one and I can only remember having a good time. Not all the time but most of the time. I'm proud to announce here that I come from a long line of family of teachers. My dad was once one way back when TV was in black and white. And ohhhhhh how he whipped those kids ass. Hell, he whacked those kids so hard they all talk about it even now. And everyone agreed that it was the right thing to do then. Canning was accepted. And almost all the kids he taught are now either working professionals or successful corporate capitalist pigs in their own right. Why? Because the kids respected the teachers.

I think you have to have a special vocation, or be a total masochist, to ever want to become a teacher. I mean, what in the name of God would make anyone want to spend most of their working day in a small room full of stinky, unruly children?

And it’s even worse now. Back in those days, there was a certain respect for teachers as they were your elders. You didn’t really dare do anything too bad but nowadays kids are cheeky, disrespectful little fucktards and long gone is the day when you could get a good battering if you behaved badly.

In my school if you did something wrong you had to stand at the front of the class, put your hands out and you’d get one right across them. Sometimes you were given a choice. Your ass or the palm of your hands. It hurt a lot. Sometimes you’d pull your hands away at the last second and the teacher would whack himself in the thigh or, if you got really lucky, in his oversized gonads. If it wasn’t a ruler it was a rattan cane. It really did make you think twice about making that smart comment or throwing that brick across the room at that kid you hated.

We had teachers who would pull you up by your sideburns or thump you in the arm if you got something wrong or forgot your homework.

But now where’s the deterrent to bad behaviour. If a kid does something wrong how are they being taught not to do it again? A good tongue-lashing? 100 lines - I MUST STOP BEING A LITTLE FUCKTARD? If they get a letter sent home and they get grounded then they just stay in their room with their DVD players, iPods, PCs and Playstations and such.

The only answer is to bring back coporal punishment. Kids today have to realise that if you do something wrong you’ve got to suffer the consequences. Shouting at them means nothing. It’s in one ear and out the other ear. But what if you stuck a roman period crucifixion nail in one ear and out the other ear? You know...the kind they did Jesus with. I think the child in question would think twice about his or her bad behaviour in the future.

Canes need to make a comeback and I’d encourage the use of nipple clamps for unruly bastards who constantly disrupt class. In boys schools if a kid is talking or messing in class then he should be made come up to the front of the class and then kicked, as hard as the teacher can, in between his legs. If he vomits he’s got to eat it up.

Playing with mobile phones in class should be punishable to inserting the mobile phone up the student’s hole. Singing in class equals three hours detention listening to that ‘Dancing Queen’ song by Abba over and over and over again. Passing notes to classmates? Well, then the teacher takes the note and reads it out loud to the whole class but makes up something completely different. “Azman’s note to Ah Meng says ‘You’re hot. I want your cock in me now.”

Teachers complain about stress and being overworked and all sorts and I don’t blame them. All the while the government and parents expect teachers to educate their children but will not allow them to teach them anything about discipline. If they learn to associate bad behaviour with physical and mental pain then maybe they won’t grow up to be the horrible little fucktards that we’re plagued with now.

I mean, all you have to do is go to that colourful building down at Temple Street on the weekends and find out for yourself the kind of retarded fucktards our education system produced. And what about those skinny skinhead wannabe's stomping around in their Doc Marten's and super tight cheap jeans? I met one the other day, a 16 year old sporting a swastika and all manners of skinheads subculture shitnitz and asked if the drunk fucktard knew who the skinheads were and what they actually represented. He smiled, spat, actually stomped his feet and said, "Sik tauk. Aku punk and I don't give a fuck. Kimak!" - in plain good English.

And so I'm now convinced that if there is at all any good that came out of our education system thus far, it would be the teaching of English.

Hooooo-fucking-raaaaaayyyyy!!!