Emotional Concept

There's this article I read recently in the paper, I can't remember which one. Something to do with rude drivers having 'low emotional maturity'. That was an interesting article.

Emotional maturity. Riiiiggghhhhtttt...now that's an interesting concept.

Last night, I had a very bad argument with somebody. But the argument is not the point. The point is I noticed something about myself. Something troubling.

Last night's argument should not have happened.

And this morning, I got really upset at an innocuous support call. I know people don't call to annoy me, they call because they need help. And yet, even knowing that, I very nearly lost it.

In the last 24 hours, I have been losing my temper MUCH too fast. I'm beginning to turn into something I detest.

Dammit. I have no idea why.

In my entire life, I have never ever thought that I could have trouble with temper because that's just not me. I don't get pissed off. Period. Or at least it's always in control. Anger was never a problem. And don't start me with that stupid movie because I haven't seen that one yet either and I heard it sucked big time.

This is just great, while I grapple with one demon, along comes reinforcements. This is a good joke, eh?

Anyway, I need to do something about this before I inadvertently destroy myself, my friends and whatever I hold dear. Like my Tiger. I can't afford to lose any of these. I need to calm down. I'm concerned about this. I'm a lot of things, but one of those things that I don't want to become is a person who flies off the handle on the slightest provocation, for no good reason at all. I don't like that, in the people I'm with and most of all in myself.

I hate anger. Anger destroys. I don't want it any more than random episodes of being uncertain of shit. I don't like it when people get angry (especially the ones that are sudden and without reasons) and here I am, in danger of becoming exactly that. What the hell???

I'm going to have to force myself to be calm, to be rational, no matter what kind of provocation I encounter. This is what I need to do today.

No matter what things I hear or what people say or whatever they accuse me of, I'm going to try my hardest to deal with that without losing my temper.

...relax, nothing is under control...nothing is under control...I am light...I am a star...I am a peaceful being...relax, nothing is under control...