To The Doom

Everything went wrong from the word 'go' this morning. And I have this strange feeling it isn't going to get any better. Gut feeling and shit.

Something is very wrong with my ride and I'm pissed off. Just before the festive thing, I blew close to a grand on repairs and some tweaking to ol' Becca. It was about time she had her fix anyway and what with the long road trip to the longhouse for the festivity. When I took her from the workshop, the good repair person assured me all was good.

Well, fuck him!

No. It's more like, I'm really fucked now.

She did well over the 400 clicks we covered so far with no glitch and shit but not until this morning. She just didn't 'feel' right. The wheels felt wobbly and there were weird noises coming from the engine compartment. I couldn't even steer the poor thing properly. Left her with another auto specialist person just now which probably mean that I might have to cough up more dough should there be any additional tweaking to be done on her. I'm so fucked like this.

Then the phone calls started. The first was to remind me to pay up on my insurance. And then it was my telco provider or whatever. One of those automated telephone thingy. "...your outgoing call is barred..." - for the fucking forth time this week!!! Well, thank you very much 016. Try telling me something I don't already know.

Minutes later, it was the bank's turn to remind me I was two months overdue on my housing loans and overdraft. And that I had to make payments immediately or '...kita akan refer encik to the legal', said the lady on the other end. And I'm like, refer me to the fucking what? Didn't even bother to ask her what she meant. Told her I'll look into it. But like, fuck I will. I'm already down to my last few hundred for the month and theres still some bills to pay.

And then a client called and started demanding for some shit I didn't know shit about because whatever shit he wanted wasn't my fucking shit to start with. I don't normally shout on the phone but I couldn't help myself there just now. And not because the client is by design a complete idiot but it was 8:47am and way too early for such stupidity for me to handle. And all this while I was driving to the salt mine. I just wonder if there is a dubious conspiracy being worked out against me today.

Then I looked at my fuel gauge and guess what? Yes, I was running on bloody fucking 'E'.

So I cursed Pak Lah under my breath. For about 16 and a half times. KJ, Lingam, Mak Enon, Hulk Hogan and just about every politician I know but especially that doctor guy who claims to be an astronaut but really is a space tourist. I cursed them all to hell. Their mother, father, grandmother and their cats. I don't know why but it just felt right. And then I did what was necessary at the moment and screamed...

WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! BANG PUET!!! LEMEK LAH!!! SHIT!!! SHIT!!! SHIT!!!

I must admit that it felt good for a while and I guess what they say is true. Under certain circumstances, profanities provides some relief denied even to prayer.

FAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHKKKKKK!!!

Picture Story VI

Festive costume

Longhouse entrance

Dotting grandfather

Workpants

Ah Lu of Stapang bazaar

Coffee strainer

Butterfly on dog shit

Fuck this zit!

Pinch That Pak

So like everyone else I'm still painfully trying to get into terms with the massive hike fuel price and shit. 40 percent is a lot of percent, okay. I'm feeling the fucking pinch, thank you very much, Pak Lah and it isn't funny anymore. I won't be surprise if price of other things will start to increase in the next few weeks or even months once the full impact of this kicks in.

But what fucks my mind so much is he then goes on to tell me to change my fucking lifestyle. But how the fuck can I begin to do that when my life has no fucking style? And just for fun, he promises that the current price stays as it is for at least this year. And I'm like, what the fuck did you say? What about next year?

His equally idiotic deputy then had the cheek to suggest that I also need to change my mindset and seek alternative energy. "Consider electric cars", he says. We shouldn't rely too much on petrol he says. And I'm like what the fuck to the power of ten. Does he think these electric cars he mentions runs on fresh air and fucking love?

Petronas? I don't think I even want to go there.

And then for a little bit of window dressing and part of Pak lah's effort to offset the recent fuel increase and shit, his government leaders will now have a cut on their expenditures. Leading by example, he says. Changing lifestyle and shit, Pak lah style. A 10% cut of government ministers allowance while paid holidays will be limited to ASEAN. Business class only when travelling and shit.

Way to go, Pak. That is so going to make me feel all warm inside.

And I read the other day, one of his ministers even suggested that I should now start planting vegetables if I have some land to plant within the compound of my house. If I don't. No problemo. Use pots and try hydrofuckponicwhatevershit. Problem solve.

Hold it, Mr. Minister. You mean now I have to rush back home after slaving down at the salt mine and be a fucking farmer? Can I also start a pig farm and shit?

And I'm suppose to fall for all this bullshit advice and feel all fucking good. At the very least, if you need to fucking bullshit do it properly!

Fuck, man. Fuck this government and its never ending litany of fucking idiotic mistakes, stupid advice, fucking errors and generally Pak Lah fucking style of stupid governance.

Festivity, Beer And Fuel

It has been one hell of a week for me.

I was over at the longhouse for the festive thing and it was all good considering I missed two years of the same. I was informed a month beforehand that it would not be as fun due to the passing of two elderly folks early this year and as tradition would dictate, the festivity would be drastically minimised or 'scaled down' as one brother aptly put it.

After 6 hours of driving, I arrived at the longhouse late that Saturday evening and was greeted at the main door by a small crowd. A small quiet crowd. The un-festive atmosphere was obvious and missing were the shouting and yelling and loud blaring Iban songs synonymous during such a season.

I was also informed that a few drinking suspects were not expected to make it back home this time around. One or two had married and were at their spouse longhouses while another is now doing time for robbery or something. That Aji, who happens to be one of my favourite drinking partner, is now rendered invalid due to an accident late last year. He broke his neck in an illegal racing incident. But that didn't dampen my spirit a bit because it was just good to be there. And in true Iban spirit, I was immediately served with tuak. And just like that, the liver damaging activity commenced. I was not even allowed to take a quick shower.

I can't remember much now except Bear Beer is still the longhouse favourite. Most of the men here works on oil rigs around the world so it is the norm for these folks to bring back with them an assortment of beer and liquor not commonly found back home. Brands like Pig Eyes, Castle Lager, Kingfisher and other good shit. One of the boys proudly showed me his addition to the varieties of beer that was being served and so enter Huda Beer from Vietnam. I thought it was a little bit raw and harsh on my taste buds but in all honesty, I really can't remember how any of the beer tasted but that one from France was really nice. It was the closest to Tiger Beer I could get my hands on. Pelfroth or something like that, I think. But all was good except I had the worse case of constipation the whole time I was there.

And then the news of the fuel price hike came and the mad rush to the gas station the other night. Just so you know, I got my share of text messages and phone calls from concern friends to tell me to fill up but because I'm above this kind of stupidity, I naturally refused to conform and continued watching porn. It was Japanese night so fuck that.

I'm not so cheesed off with the increase because stupid as I maybe, I knew this was inevitable. But didn't the fucking idiots up there in the big office told us before March that there won't be any price hike this year? Okay, so they fucking lied. They're politician and all politician lies. Fine. But what bugs me the most is when they tell me to change my fucking lifestyle. Like, hell I am. Why don't they fucking change their lifestyle first before telling me to? Fucking idiots!

And then I lost my phone. For three days. Misplaced it in a drinking establishment last Thursday night. The good bar lady boss found it yesterday evening and somehow got a friend to call another friend who tried calling me for the past three days but failed, who then remembered I was the only one in the group who uses a Motorola and then immediatley got hold of me. Suffice to say that Thursday night drinking do was pretty heavy.

And now for some random longhouse photos I took.

The unusually quiet longhouse ruai

Getting ready for some serious drinking on the eve.

The aftermath at 4:30am