Loop Holed

It's a bad thing being pessimistic all the time. I'm finding it real hard and almost impossible to deal with. I keep thinking that if I were to be anything other than pessimistic, then I'm being delusional. I have optimism guilt. I have no idea how I became like that.

Unfortunately, I also don't know how to get rid of that guilty feeling. It's stupid and exasperating and I know for a fact that it will make itself obvious in whatever I do or say, thus creating the "self-fulfilling prophecy" effect.

I'm stuck in a loop of perpetual victimhood, dooming myself to failure in whatever risky thing that I do. Of course, repeated failures will obviously result in my self-esteem taking a dive down south again, thus making me more pessimistic. See the fucking loop?

How the hell does one get out of this shit?