Berries, Phones And Pods

You know, it just blows me away that some folks put so much of dependency on this thing they call a blackberry or whatever equivalent. These ones I find completely mystifying. Their pride in being “connected” to everything and I mean everything, is somewhat bizarre to me. Take this friend of mine. He not only has a blackberry but also an i telephone that has not 1 or 2 but 3 g's in it although I don't really know whats the deal with the g's. And these he carries with him everyday and everywhere. And just in case, his top of the line i pod too.

Now, I’ve no idea of the things that a blackberry or an i telephone that has not 2 but 3 g's can do. But I see some friends checking their e mails with their berries and then answer calls with another phone. Mostly of the i telephone variety while another flicks out his i pod thing, after checking his mail with his berry and making a call with his HTC, and proudly shows the latest porn he downloaded. I find all this annoying on many levels. Especially when drinking at the pub. And there's another who claims that he actually blogs with that berry thing. This dude also tells me he reads on his i pod and that he has the whole books of the bible on his pod thingy.

Seriously, what makes it so indispensable that some people own and use more than one of these things at the same time is just beyond me.

So, say that you can call people, listen to music, watch porn, read a book, do mails, make appointments, book tickets, take photographs or videos, watch live TV programmes and everything else on your berry or your pod - that makes it a multifunctional item.

Well, thats all good and nice.

Very cool. Very clever.

But does it mean that you simplify your life by getting rid of the TV, DVD player, music system, phone, camera, videocam, computer, books and possibly your secretary? I don't think so. So if you’re still going to have all those things anyway, what’s the point of that berry or that i telephone or that pod thing?

Phones that play music and that pod thing that function as a phone – what da fuck is up with that? I don't have the luxury of a pod that plays music or one that function as a phone and play music but I would be very happy if, and only if I had one, it would just play music and do nothing else. I don’t think I need my pod to be a phone, a diary, an alarm clock, a radio, a DVD player, a TV, computer or a portable vagina. I fucking swear I saw a portable vagina at this sex shop the other day and that was hillarious. Can you believe this shit? A fucking portable vagina you can put in your pocket and bring to work, yo! Pocket pussy, y'all! How about that?

But I digress.

And how, in the name of sweet mother of Thor, can anyone enjoy porn on a 2 by 3 inch screen? Me, I'm into details. I like to see that little mole Ms Hikaru Koto has on the left cheek of her soft butt. You wouldn't get that kind of detail on a berry or a stupid pod. And that is why I've a nice 29 inch screen TV. I have all these things they put on a berry or a pod separately and they all work just fine. And for the life of me, I've never been overcome by an irresistible urge to watch skin action on a 2 by 3 inch screen anywhere, no matter how little else I have to do. Even on those bigg ass planes, when I could conceivably be expected to be bored and require entertainment, I don’t bother with the stupid screens on the back of the seat in front of me.

I don’t think I’m technologically challenged. Maybe fiscally. But I just don’t feel the necessity to be connected all the time to an electronic leash, everywhere I go. And I certainly don't need to watch tv on a 2 by 3. Technology is a utilitarian thing, as far as I'm concerned. If it does what I need, that will do. When an item that's meant to make your life simpler turns out to need training to operate, because it's complicated by the sheer number of things it does, those technological advances defeat the original purpose. Fucking simplicity.

I sometimes wonder what these folks would do, those very important, very tech-savvy people who are addicted to their berrys and pods, if they were disconnected from the electronic world. How would they survive the lack of entertainment at the touch of a teeny weeny little button on those thing with fucking tiny screen?

I’d read a book. Just your normal, printed book - the ones with words, which wouldn’t tell you the time, remind you of an appointment, play music, make a phone call, receive an email, take a photograph or do anything other than be something to read. The kind of book that would have pages made from paper that you could touch, smell and feel, the kind of book that wouldn’t need batteries, power or recharging.

That kind of...retro book, if you like.

And oh, my Nokia 1110 rawks!